Fall’s Muse

March 20, 2013

Dear Mr. X,

Last night, I was back-reading on my blog entries and I wouldn’t forget how you became the daylight after my darkest night. New hopes and smiles were given to a then helpless me. From then on, I dove to discover sunken parts of your iceberg and I knew, without you knowing, your strongest and gentlest sides. You actually knew me well too, though I am not sure if you were paying much attention.

But I’m afraid that this will be the last letter I am going to write for you.  After much reflection, I have finally decided to let this feeling go. Like a tree—the fall’s muse. As I am letting go, one by one, each withering leaf will be blown away by the slightest wind and no one would pick up its pieces. The fall’s muse already knows that no matter how many leaves it loses, autumn is just a phase and yet it will always remember the times when its green leaves and branches happily dance along with the wind. Seasons change and the fall’s muse knows that there will be someone along the way who would be willing to pick up its withering leaves and is willing to be there any season with assurance.

Personifications, metaphors and similes are over. I might be using hyperbole when I say I love you, but I won’t when I say that I will miss you. Let the wind whisper to your ears, whoever and wherever you are, that I am hoping to see you again.

Love,

The fall’s muse

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Me thinks

Sometimes it makes me think that

If I could turn back time,

I’ll go back where we started

I’ll spend more time with you

I’ll look at you intently and press that memory inside my heart

I’ll be more honest and brave

I will make you smile

I will sing you a song

I will listen more

 

But sometimes it makes me think that

If I could turn back time,

I’ll go back where we started

I’ll say no whenever you call me

I won’t spend time with you alone

I won’t think about you

I won’t care

 

Because sometimes it makes me think that

If I hadn’t met you

If I hadn’t thought about “us”

I would not know that there is something missing in my life

 

And sometimes it makes me think that

There are actually very few people whom you can connect with in your lifetime

Apparently, you are one of the few

Who knows, you might be the only one

 

I always think that

I just want to be with you

If I could do that forever, I would

 

11 things I learned this week

  1. People make mistakes—mistakes they don’t know could affect your future. Calm down. Your anger wouldn’t change anything.
  2. Being a perfectionist while trying to assess other people’s behavior can be stressful! Stop, have an attitude of gratitude and appreciate even the smallest things instead.
  3. Some things are worth your try and some are NOT. It’s time you make your choice and move.
  4. HOWEVER, there are things NOT WORTH giving up. You don’t know you almost had it because you cowardly conceded and backed off when you’re about to get it. Like precious gems and pearls, you need to work hard to get it and so are some things in life.
  5. Sadly, some chances are given only once. When you let it pass, you may NEVER get it back again.
  6. Moments of silence can sometimes be your heart’s loudest screams.
  7. There are people who just wouldn’t love you back. BUT there are people who could and would.
  8. Life is happier with friends around. The moment you have them, treasure them, encourage and extend a helping hand. Tell them how you appreciate them.
  9. One is never too old to learn anything she wants.
  10. When you’re sad, sing.
  11. Life may somehow pose as a draggy-routine-I-am-sick-and-tired-of-living but remember, good things come to those who wait.

Letter to Future Husband

Even before Med School happened, I removed every single blog entry that I wrote. However, this evening, my classmate Tine shared to me a blog link which made me remember this entry I made way way back!

I couldn’t imagine that my cheesy-November 2012-self wrote this! AHAHAHA! Here it goes:

 

Dear Future Husband,

I cannot guarantee you that I am and will be the perfect wife. Just like every woman, I can also be moody and selfish once in a while. What I can guarantee you is my loyalty, love and care, and I can assure you that I would be the last person to give our relationship up, no matter what.

I will support you in your best and worst days, in your happiest and saddest times. And since I already accepted the fact that you too are human – and you have the capability to make mistakes – I will extend my patience to have the capacity to forgive and forget.

Remember that I am also your friend; I am here to listen to you even if you feel like no one would understand. I will care even if the whole world won’t. If you have problems or if you did something that does not seem right, do not hesitate to tell me, for I am your wife and your partner, and we are to help each other out in everything. And you know that I already loved you for who you are.

I will respect your silence, I will respect your time for yourself and I will respect your manhood as well. I will not also expect, as what most people do, because expectations lead to disappointments, and disappointments lead to conflicts and you are the last person I would want to have conflicts with.

I will also encourage you with your walk with the Lord, and as the husband, I will be with you as you lead our home towards God’s home. We will be spiritually strong for we have each other and our faith, I hope, will never run dry as we strengthen each other. These are just few things that I know that I can do for you, but I know that these are not enough to replace your love and effort for me.

When I let God be the author of my love story, I knew that He would give me the right person. I am glad that I saved myself for someone special and I am happy that it is you. When our love for each other is not enough, I hope and pray that God’s love will embody us as He is and will be the center of our relationship. Let’s make this work by letting God work in our relationship and surrendering Him our family life.

This path might be difficult to trail, but I am now looking at a brighter future for I know that you are beside me through this “difficult road” we call life.

I love you.

And I want to grow old with you.